


Deal with Me on My Own

by AllThoseOtherWorlds



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s05e16 Doctor Bashir I Presume, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Genetic Engineering, Genetic Enhancement, M/M, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 18:23:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4030009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllThoseOtherWorlds/pseuds/AllThoseOtherWorlds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian knows that the secret of his genetic enhancements will soon be well-known, but he doesn't want that to be how his friends find out. With that in mind, he decides to tell them himself.</p><p>Note: This is marked as incomplete but each chapter stands mostly on its own. I only have it as incomplete in case I add scenes for other characters</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unprepared

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own DS9. I do not make money from this.
> 
> Yes, I know. Another one. What can I say - I like stories about secrets being discovered. I wanted to write some "discovery" scenes for the characters who didn't get them. I felt that Garak and Jadzia really deserved scenes where they learn about Julian's genetic enhancements, so I wrote them.
> 
> I may add more for other characters, but I'm not certain yet.

            As a teenager, Julian had run through this situation so many times - people discovering his enhancements and yelling at him, fearing him, kicking him out. If he was honest with himself, he'd imagined those things as recently as last week. What he'd never imagined - never _dared_ to imagine - was the possibility of being allowed to stay in Starfleet. But that was what was happening.

            After seeing his parents off and watching their ship depart from the station, Julian wasn't sure what to do. He had a few hours to kill before his shift started for the day, but that wasn't the real problem. No, the real problem was that he was suddenly painfully aware of the fact that none of his imaginary situations had prepared him for the possibility that everyone knew about his enhancements and _he was still here_.

            He'd have to talk to them all about it eventually, of course. For now, his secret was known only by Sisko, O'Brien, Doctor Zimmerman, and his parents. Sisko and O'Brien would probably even keep it for him, since they both had a healthy respect for privacy. He had no such illusions about Doctor Zimmerman, however.

            At least he'd have a few days before it'd probably leak to the populace at large, even though he didn't know how to prepare for it.


	2. Garak

            In the end, he decided to tell his coworkers and friends before they heard it over the news, where it was likely to end up. He spent a brief moment pondering the likelihood that he was being full of himself and it wouldn't end up anywhere, but he knew it would. Miles was right - there hadn't been a case like him for a hundred years, and that meant that when it got out - however it got out - the media would have a field day.

            Garak was first, he thought, because they were dating, after all, and telling him first seemed like the right thing to do. Of course, for all he knew Garak would just look smugly at him and say that he’d already known.

            He caught Garak that evening, as he was closing up his shop. Julian slipped through the door just as Garak was approaching to mark it as closed.

            "Good evening, Doctor," Garak greeted him. "Here for some last-minute shopping? I have some new fabric that would look stunning on you, with the right designs."

            "I'm afraid not, Garak," Julian said, smiling. "I actually had something I wanted to talk to you about."

            "Did you?" Garak's mouth was calm but his eyes were smiling. "And what might that be?"

            "I wanted to tell you something. Something about me." He took a deep breath. This was it. _Just say it_ , he told himself. _Get it over with._ "I was... uh."

            "My dear Doctor," Garak said. "It appears that whatever you are trying to say is causing you some measure of anxiety. Perhaps it would be easier if we turned it into a game?"

            "A game?" Julian repeated, confused. "What sort of a game?" 

            "There's a game we play on Cardassia," Garak told him. "I ask you questions, and you answer, but you must answer with three words. No more, no less. After ten questions, if I don't have it right, you tell me."

            He considered it. He never would have come up with the idea of telling Garak using a game on his own, but it seemed ... suitable. It was very _them_. "Okay," he said. "Go ahead."

            Garak smiled. "Is it something you've done?" he started.

            _No_ , Julian thought. _It was done to me. But it was my doing in part, wasn't it? Something about me made them want to change me. But_ they're _the ones who did it. This is harder than I expected_.

            "Done to me," he decided.

            "When?" Garak asked his second question.

            "As a child," Julian said.

            "And why is it relevant now?" _Third question_.

            "I've been discovered." Did contractions count as one word or two? Garak said nothing, so he assumed it was okay.

            Garak looked intrigued at his answer. "Is it something illegal?"

            "In the Federation." Julian knew it wasn't illegal everywhere. Actually, he wasn't sure how it was viewed on Cardassia.

            "Did you do something wrong? If it wasn't your doing, I'd think not." Garak sounded almost like he was talking to himself, but since Garak didn't talk to himself out loud, Julian answered.

            "I'm a doctor." He tried to keep the bitterness from his voice, but wasn't entirely successful.

            "Hmm." Garak walked over to a table and began folding some clothes that had been messed up a bit. "What is the nature of what was done to you?" _Sixth question_ , Julian counted.

            This was the one that was going to be hard to answer. He skirted it, knowing it was avoidance but doing it anyway. "Improved mind, body."

            "Interesting. And you kept it secret?"

            "I had to."

            "Why did this happen?" There was a hardness in Garak's voice now, and Julian shrunk a little inside.

            "My parents..." Julian trailed off. "I don't think I can answer that question in three words, Garak."

            "Then let's stop the game, shall we?" Garak approached him again, leaving the clothing folded tightly on the table. "Tell me what happened."

            "My parents had me genetically enhanced as a child," Julian said. "I wasn't bright enough, quick enough, _good_ enough for them."

            He had looked down as he spoke, and when he glanced up Garak's eyes were unreadable.

            "And you didn't consent to it?" the tailor asked. "Did you know?"

            "Of course not," Julian said. "I was six years old."

            For some reason, this was the wrong answer. Garak looked angry now, and it took a great deal of self-control for Julian to prevent himself from showing his disappointment. "I'm sorry, Garak-"

            "You? What do _you_ have to be sorry for?" Garak sounded genuinely confused, if still angry. "It's your _parents_ who betrayed you like this, Doctor."

            "My parents?" Julian asked. "Is that why you're angry? You're not..." He cut himself off before he could finish.

            Garak's eyes widened slightly and his voice gentled. "No, Doctor," he said. "I'm not mad at you." He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again his demeanor was back to normal "Doctor, do you know much about Cardassian views of genetic enhancement?"

            Julian shook his head no. He didn't, not really. He'd always meant to look it up but never had. He'd always hoped it wouldn't have to matter.

            "On Cardassia," Garak told him, "genetic enhancement is legal, but usually frowned upon if it cannot be consented to. It's seen as a betrayal of the family unit to have it done except under certain conditions. However," he added, "the fault is always that of the one who does the betraying. I do not know what the situation was for you, Julian, but I do know that no blame would have fallen on you on Cardassia."

            Julian was still a bit shaken, but he smiled a little at Garak's words. "Thank you," he said. "I'm afraid that the Federation doesn't see it quite like that. Are you familiar with the Eugenics war?"

            "Vaguely," Garak said. "That was quite some time ago, was it not? On Earth, I believe."

            "It was," Julian said. "A genetically enhanced man known as Khan Noonien Singh tried to conquer the Earth - with help from other genetically enhanced people. There were several different factions, if I recall correctly. Ever since, the Federation has had strict rules about genetic enhancement. It's illegal in almost all circumstances, and people like me aren't allowed to be Doctors or Starfleet officers."

            "How typically hypocritical of the Federation," Garak commented. 'Freedom for all' unless it's something you don't like. But tell me, Doctor - you said you'd been discovered. What will you do now? Are you leaving the station?"

            "No," he reassured him. "We worked something out with Starfleet. My father's going to jail, but I get to keep my job."

            "Good." Garak sounded pleased. "Then all's well, hmm?"

            "I suppose so," Julian said. "Although I'm a bit nervous about telling everyone, and about what might happen when word gets out to the public. There's quite a bit of stigma in the Federation about this sort of thing."

            "Well," Garak said, resting a hand comfortingly on Julian's arm. "I'm here for you, Doctor, should you need me."

            "Thank you," he said, and meant it. They sat there for a while, in peaceful silence, before Julian stood up and stretched. "Well, I'd best be off," he said. "Join me for dinner?"

            "Of course," Garak said, standing with him. "The Promenade?"

            "Actually, I was hoping we could eat in my quarters," Julian said. "I've got some excellent Andorian light-paintings there I thought you'd like to see."

            "Excellent," Garak gestured toward the door. "Lead on, Doctor."

            He did.


	3. Jadzia

            He ended up telling Jadzia when she called him to her lab for a second opinion on something she was analyzing. Everyone who shared the labspace with her had gone home for the night, so they were alone, and it seemed like a good time to talk.

            "Thank you for coming, Julian," she greeted him. "I was hoping you could take a look at this sample that was brought back from the Gamma Quadrant and tell me what you think it might be."

            "Of course," he said, approaching the table and bending to look at the substance.

            Half an hour later and they had decided that it was likely part of a space-dwelling organism, and had agreed to continue working jointly on the project. They were both very excited about it, so Julian wasn't surprised that he only remembered to bring up his enhancements as they were about to leave.

            "Jadzia," he began, "I, uh, was hoping I could talk to you for a moment, actually."

            "Sure," she said, adding,"Is everything all right?" when she saw the serious expression on his face.

            "Better than I would have expected," he decided, after a moment's consideration. "Why don't we sit down?"

            "Okay, we're sitting," she said, once they were seated at a couch-like piece of furniture some of the other officers had decided to add to an unused corner of the space. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

            "I wanted to tell you something that was brought up yesterday morning," he said. "Before you find out elsewhere."

            "Ooh, sounds exciting." She smiled.

            He tried to smile back, but was suddenly too nervous to do so. Somehow, telling Jadzia was even more nerve-wracking than telling Garak had been. _Probably because she_ _’s a Starfleet Officer,_ he decided. _She knows just how illegal this is._

            "I, um, I'm, I was..." he trailed off.

            Jadzia's expression was sympathetic. "Whatever you're trying to say, Julian, it's probably better to just spit it out," she said. "Trust me."

            He did. "I was genetically enhanced as a child." He closed his eyes briefly after saying it, but forced them open so he could observe her reaction - whether he wanted to or not.

            She looked concerned, but Julian couldn't tell if she was worried about him or for him. He hoped for the latter, but everything he'd been taught told him to expect the former.

            "That's... surprising," she said, brow furrowed. "What kind? Was it something life-threatening? I suppose it must have been, for it to be legal. Unless it-" she broke off, looking at Julian. "Are you allowed to stay in Starfleet?"

            "Yes," he said. "I'm still the CMO on this station. It was all worked out this morning. I was going to resign, actually, but my parents got there first."

            Jadzia nodded. "I'm glad you're still here," she told him, smiling slightly. "But from what you're saying, the enhancements weren't - legal?"

            He knew what she was asking. "No, they weren't," he said. "Which means that yes, most of my mental abilities and some of my physical ones have been enhanced in some way to surpass typical human performance."

            She nodded again, face showing a mixture of emotions that Julian couldn't read, because despite his enhancements reading people was not a strong suit.

            "How old were you?" she asked. "That must have been difficult."

            And just like that, Julian realized that she wasn't mad. She wasn't scared. She wasn't disappointed. His nightmares were not coming back to haunt him. Jadzia was concerned or confused or sad or possibly something else, but she cared for him and didn't want him to come to harm.

            With that realization came a release of tension he hadn't been consciously aware he was holding.

            "I was six," he said, "But I didn't find out until I was fifteen."

            They kept talking for a while, Julian repeating some of the things he had said to Miles, and Jadzia nodding along and asking questions where appropriate. When they were done she smiled at him and gave him a hug.

            "I'm glad you're still here, Julian," she said. "You don't have to hide anything you don't want to."

            "Thank you," he said, meaning it with every cell in his body. "Really."


End file.
